This is probably the reason why I struggled so much as an adult, my parents never discussed boundaries or that putting them in place would create a healthy way of living.
In my house, when dad returned from work after his session in the pub, he sat behind the newspaper ignoring our requests or needs. Actually I think he was sleeping, somehow snoring quietly and magic holding up his arms to keep the paper in place!
My brother and I probably expected all our ever ending questions to be answered by mum, poor mum, i'm sure her head was turned.
Mum did everything; cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, lunches, dinner, gardening, school uniforms, school meetings, you name it, mum did it.
So I guess its true what they say, I became another version of my mum, well I did love copying her as a child – mum would make tea and give me it in a cup and saucer, so I felt like a grown up. I mirrored her actions, lifting the cup when she did, drinking it together and placing the cup in the saucer, mum laughed at this. It was great to see her smile as we lived through the troubles and they were tough times, so seeing mum’s smile was like gold, as you can imagine.
When I grew up and went to work I was excited, proud and hardworking, what I wasn’t ready for was lazy people, domineering people and bullys so I found it even more difficult to say “no”.
My typing skills were excellent so this was taken advantage of as I was quicker than the other girls and it created resentment. I ended up with sore throats, tummy aches, and then later on Coeliac Disease.
Alarm bells went off, my personal life was in bits, I hated my job, and knew I had to change rather than expecting others to.
I read books, I went on courses, I meditated, and it took time to change the habits I had accustomed myself to for nearly 40 years but slowly and surely I rebuilt my self respect, self esteem, and the courage to say “no”.
I now love what I do, I can help others overcome this and more! one thing I know for sure, its never too late to change!
